Way too long and personal...

I never know how open to be on my blog. After all, anyone that wants to read it can. I have thought about going private and spilling all my guts, because after all, the reason for my blog is to keep a journal of my family. Toby hates it when blogs are private though, so we’ll see.

Anyway, this last year has been a whirlwind, rollercoaster ride for us and I haven’t mentioned a word. I kind of want to remember everything… the good, the bad and the ugly, so here goes. Feel free to skip all this and catch up on the next post.

A few years ago, talk started in Roseburg about buying a piece of property and moving the store (nursery) to a new location. With that came a job opportunity for Toby to move back to Roseburg and work with family. I won’t lie; it took me a long time to get used to the idea. I wasn’t thrilled, but I knew Toby would be happy. They looked and looked for property, but nothing ever seemed quite right. This went on and off for a couple years. Then they found the ONE. It was ranch land and therefore a lot cheaper than other places in town. A nursery is one of the few businesses that could go on the land and everything else just seemed perfect. The only problem was the owner. It was a cranky old man that thought he was going to make a killing when they decided to develop the land. The land was NOT going to be developed. And seriously… the guy was like 80, what was he waiting for?! We tried working with him for a few months and then heard that some guy in California was coming in to buy the land. Bummer. The roller coaster continues… the deal with the Californian fell through and the owner of the other ranch land in Roseburg stepped in and bought the land. We were so excited. We had already tried to buy the land with this guy previously so that we could have a smaller chunk of it and things seemed to be all set. When he bought it, we were sure it was all going to work out. Toby and I were moving. Not! The guy threw a bunch of crap at us and it took forever to negotiate the price. Once we finally nailed that down we started planning on moving around the middle of July. Then the lawyers got involved. Every single item needed to be argued over. Toby’s dad was a champ and stayed patient through the whole thing. I was ready to call the guy myself and chew him out. Anyway, we were down to the final point on the contract and we weren’t budging on it. We have given him pretty much everything he wanted except this. He even got all the completely unheard of, so nice of us things. Well, Toby and I were still in wait mode… talking of moving in short notice whenever the papers went through. Well, the guy decided at the last second, to withdraw everything. The property was no longer for sale. I mean… we had finally set a date for moving. We really thought everything was going to be done. I told the people at Joy School that I was leaving. They replaced me! We were going to move Nov. 1. What a pain. This is seriously only the shortened (although it seems long) condensed version of events. I can’t tell you how many times we had dates on the calendar and then how many times those fell through. I can’t tell you how many times we all said, “We should know something next week!” It became a joke really. It was hard. I was actually excited to move to Roseburg. I was excited to buy a house, live by family and let Toby have his dream job. I think being on such a rollercoaster all year really brought Toby and I closer together. We finally wanted the same things to happen. (We don’t always have the same opinions on things.) Finally we bit the bullet, bought some last minute tickets to fly to Oregon for Christmas and said we were done. (Hopefully)

Then we set to figuring out what comes next. The best news was finding out that I was pregnant. We had been talking, planning and listening to Zeke talk and plan on another baby and finally I was pregnant. Just last Thursday I went in for my first appointment. I was 12 weeks along and excited to finally feel like it was official and start telling people. I had just finished feeling nauseous all the time and was starting to get a little more energy back. Well, I went to the appointment and the nurse couldn’t find the heartbeat. Then the Dr. brought in the ultrasound machine and again I was told that they couldn’t find a heartbeat. They measured the baby and it was about 11 weeks along. I was in shock. I had no symptoms of miscarriage and my last 2 pregnancies had been a piece of cake. I called Toby and told him the news and decided to get the D&C surgery. I called my mom and told her (she didn’t even know I was pregnant) and waited for them to call and tell me what time to head over to the hospital. They wanted me back in 2 hours. I scrambled trying to find a babysitter last second, which was awful because I was crying and trying to explain to people that didn’t even know I was pregnant. Finally my brother called and said he was on his way with my sister. I love having family close by! Toby came home from work and went with me to the hospital. I was there forever waiting. I guess there were a few emergency surgeries before me. We got home a little before 7pm. 2 different people in my ward had brought dinner over. Then somebody brought dinner on Sunday, which was really good because that is the day my body started to freak out on me. I am so thankful for a husband that has the priesthood. Anyway, Thursday was really hard and then I was fine. My body has taken a little longer to sort itself out, but I feel peace. I know that Heavenly Father has something planned for my family and I just need to trust in His timing. Zeke will get his “gril” someday and everything will work out. I am thankful for this experience. I hate that I have to start over, but I know that everything will be okay.

Wow, this is way too long. I guess that’s about it for now. Let the rollercoaster continue, but I am learning to scream and throw my hands in the air every time we go over another bump.